Humor & Whimsy
Strange Plant
I have a friend who found a strange plant in her garden one day & she watered it for three months & still wasn’t sure it was a vegetable. Her sister was a nurse & said she knew how she felt.
Strange Country
She asked my sons what strange countries they had been to & my oldest son said England & my youngest said we live in Iowa & they all agreed that was strangest of all.
(Note: The name of the state can be changed if you think yours is more strange than Iowa…)
Straight Forward
Start here & go until you die, he said. What’s so complicated about that?
Start Up
How do you start a religion? he said.
I think you have faith & then you wait for a miracle, I said. At least that’s how it’s been done before.
He nodded. OK, he said, so it’s a lot like e-commerce.
Status
I don’t wear stuff to impress people, she said. I can’t afford it yet.
Spontaneous Makeup
I’m at my best when I’m 15 minutes late, she said. Even my makeup looks more spontaneous.
Standards
Won’t drink a cheap red no matter how much they threaten him.
Spell Check
Does this spell anything? he said. I shook my head.
Maybe you should look again, he said, in case you missed something the first time.
Slapping Sharks
What’s that thing? I said. O, that’s an oar, he said, in case we hit a calm stretch & we decide we need more excitement & also it’s good for slapping sharks.
Sleeping Man
What I’m mostly good at is sleeping, he once told me in confidence, but he added, I don’t see much future in it.
Sloth
I’m waiting for sloth to come back in style, he said.
You may wait a long time, I said.
That’s OK, he said, I can use the practice.
Sing Along
Ever since I found out I was schizophrenic, he said, I’ve been making up songs that are easy to harmonize with. I really like a good sing-a-long.
Six Minutes
Time to come out, I told him & he said he’d only been in for 6 minutes & I said that’s not true. You’ve been in the whole day & he shrugged & said all he could remember was the last 6 minutes.
Simple Rules
I learned 2 things early on, my sister said. The first is don’t blame people for being the way they are. What’s the second? I said. She smiled. If they’re really stupid she said, go ahead & blame them. It’s a really simple philosophy, she added.
Sightseeing
You’re not going to see people like this again for a long time, he said & I said I always saw people like this & he looked at me for a moment & said, You’re not from around here, are you?
Silly in Public
I figured out that if I keep it up, someday I’ll probably get wise enough to be silly in public but I probably won’t wait that long.
Short Nose
When I was young, my grandma always used to say it was good I didn’t get my dad’s nose & I thought so, too, but I always wondered if someone somewhere was walking around without a nose because of me.
Side Effect
I don’t really get jet lag, she said. I just see my husband’s failings more clearly.
Sideways Ladder
This is a sideways ladder because she likes to feel she’s making progress, but she’s afraid of heights.
Secret Potion
this is a secret potion that makes you see the world differently & she’s found it safest to use only on the weekends