Humor & Whimsy
Eternal Life
She asked me how I felt about eternal life & I said, would I have the same aches & pains I have now because that would factor heavily into my decision.
Eternal Reward
Of course I believe in heaven, my grandma used to say. There’s got to be some reward for living with your grandfather for all these years.
Exact Center
this is the exact center of the universe which explains why none of the usual rules apply here
Excuse
I don’t really like dogs, my uncle told me once, but it’s a good way to keep up with what’s going on in the neighborhood.
Expect the Worst
Does it count as gossip, she said, if you just know those people would go & do something like that?
Expectation
She kept a box of letters & dried flowers & some old chocolate in a dark place & watered it until it started to rot & then she put on her best dress & some bright lipstick & took it around to everybody she knew & said, see, I told you so.
Extinct
You don’t see stuff like this every day, she said & I said some things go extinct for very good reasons & she snorted & said I didn’t know much about fashion, did I?
Extra Legs
I thought we were getting along just fine, she said, until he noticed the extra legs.
Extrovert
Moving briskly along because introspection gives her a stomach ache.
Equal Treatment
Why do they treat us like children? they said & I said why do you treat them like adults? & their eyes opened wide & they began to laugh & talk all at once & suddenly everything looked possible again.
Enough Fluid
I try not to cry about everything I’ve done wrong she said, because I don’t get enough fluids as it is already.
Enough Time (No Gender)
Everything changed the day I figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in my life.
Epiphany
She saw herself reflected in the store window & then the sun changed & she disappeared & all she could see was her eyes & she remembered thinking, I make a very nice floor lamp & that was the day she decided to quit her job.
Early Life
I try & get a lot of living in early in the morning before everyone else gets up, because after that, it doesn’t seem so much like living as it does putting up with stuff.
Easy Option
I’m not that good at live & let live, she told me, when it’s just as easy to avoid & then I don’t even have to think about it.
Egg Coffee
He told me the best way to make coffee was to add an egg, so I did & he looked at the strands floating in his cup & decided to have tea instead.
English Major
When I told him I had a major in English, he said, too bad for you this is America & he started me out at the bottom.
Discovered the Moon
When I first discovered the moon, he said, I gave it a different name. But everyone kept calling it the moon. The real name never caught on.
Discretion
I think if I was a woman, he told me, I’d have sex a lot more than all the women I know & I’d definitely stay away from people like me & my friends
Distinguished
You’re lucky, she said. You’ll only get more distinguished as you get older.