Humor & Whimsy
Better Luck
This is just one of those lives you try & get through, she told me. I’m hoping for better luck next time.
Being Good
I’ve always thought death was a lot like Christmas, he said. I can’t wait to find out if being good the whole time was worth it.
Believing Tall
I’ve always thought I was taller than I looked, she said, but that belief is not without difficulties.
Balloon Man
He used to make model balloons & send them off to Macy’s with a note that they could use them free of charge for their parades. After Macy’s filed for bankruptcy he just shook his head. A better balloon could’ve turned that whole situation around, he said.
Barbarian
Of course I act like a barbarian, he said. They’re the only ones who have any fun in this life.
Bed of Nails
I made a bed of nails once like they do in India, but my mom said I’d need my tetanus shots first so after awhile I just leaned it against the garage & threw apples at it & watched them stick.
Balance
If you had to balance as much stuff as I do, she said, you’d take an hour in the bathroom every morning too.
Back to Me
We don’t have much time, he said, so I’ll just tell you about me.
Backup Plan
Sometimes I think we should bury all our money in a hole & go back to enjoying life again, he said. It’d probably be a good idea to make a map of where the hole was just in case it didn’t work out though.
Bad Fit
Certain types of people don’t fit in here, she told me when we first moved in. Just assume you’re one of them & you’ll be fine.
Bad Witches
This is a poison soup to kill all the bad witches, she said. How can you tell the difference? I asked. O, good witches are very polite & say no thank you. Bad witches just die.
American Unicorn
this is an American unicorn which explains why it has 2 horns & they’re painted to match the tile in its bathroom
Angel Butt
I’ll bet even an angel’s butt itches if he has to do too much sitting on hard places.
Ant Gods
I dug up an anthill once & my friend told me the ant gods would come to get me in my dreams & I said I didn’t believe him, but later that night I went down & tried to put the anthill back together & I even added some lettuce & mashed potatoes & pork chop from dinner in case they’d been too busy to eat & I never heard from the ant gods, so I figure it worked out.
Anxiety Break
things have been going so well that she’s taking an anxiety break to keep centered
Apathy
I don’t care if no one likes it, she said, unless no one likes it.
Attack Dog
My aunt had a poodle she dressed in little red sweaters with little dangly ball things & I don’t think it was any wonder that dog was so vicious.
Avoidance
I’ve learned not to look too closely, she said. Otherwise I’d just keep finding out stuff that’d bug me & we’d never get along.
Alice
I’m old enough to wear red boots any time I want, she said. She wanted to be buried in them, but her son had them put her in taupe pumps instead. She wore red all winter long so the ambulance could find her quicker if she fell in a snow bank & also it hides dirt. She had married early & had always been a pragmatist.
All Hell
someone asked them to be quiet, so it’s just a matter of time before all hell breaks loose