Sports & Fitness
Golf
The first time I played golf, I had the most fun throwing bread to the goldfish in the pro shop. It made as much sense as anything else.
Fundamentals
How’d it go at soccer? I said & he said we worked on fundamentals & I said like why you were even chasing around after a ball in the first place? & from the way he looked at me I figured out that was probably too fundamental.
Four Things
4 things I have learned about soccer that you may find useful. No. 1 If you run too much your lungs burn to tiny little cinders & all you’re good for after that is a low-key desk job for the rest of your life. No. 2 A soccer ball is softer than a rock, but not much. No. 3 If you have a good goalie, you can look around more & see what some of the other teams are up to. No. 4 People on the sidelines yell at you because they know exactly what they would do if they had the ball & were 3 feet taller than the biggest kid on the other team.
Dancing Mailman
Our mailman was a dance teacher at night & I would watch him sometimes to see if he would deliver mail differently than the others. I expected to see him leap over bushes with his toes pointing like arrows, but all he ever did was walk.
Couch Explorer
When I was young I always wanted to go exploring in a cave and when I got older I finally did & it was dark everywhere & there were strange sounds like your stomach after a big meal & I couldn’t wait to get out. I figured out later that I mainly liked to go exploring caves in my mind where I could be comfortable & not get dirty & cold. If you read too much National Geographic when you’re young it’s hard to adjust to the real world.
Closed Chapter
thinks of aerobics with the fondness of someone who has decided
it is a chapter now closed in her life
Cannibal
I’d never make a good cannibal, she said. I have to watch my fat intake too closely.
Birth Right
If God had meant for me to bend like that, she said, I would’ve been born in India.
Aerobics
Death take me now & spare me the pain, she said. It was difficult for me to get that excited. Get a grip, I said, it’s only aerobics.
Advantage
I’m fastest, he said, when I’m the one that gets to say go.