Humor & Whimsy
Cold Climate
Does everyone around here pretend they don’t like sex? she said
& I nodded. O, she said, then we should probably not get
to be friends, because I’m going to have to move soon.
Comfort Food
over the years, she filled herself with the best the world could offer,
but she still kept a little place open for frozen peas
Close Enough
Not exactly schizophrenic in the classical sense, but close enough that people
give him all the room he needs on the sidewalk.
Clean House
everybody’s dancing in place because they don’t want to mess up the house since it just got cleaned
Clean Underwear
Make sure you got clean underwear, she always said, in case you get in an accident & I always figured that’d be the least of my worries, but now I’m older & I see there’s a lot you can’t control & some you can control & clean underwear is one of those you can. For the most part.
Clear Choice
I read somewhere that if given a choice between sex & peace of mind, she said, most people would choose peace. Personally, I said, I do fine with a little anxiety.
Clock Crimes
The clock is a conspiracy & a crime against humanity &
I would not own one except I miss appointments without it.
Clockwork
When did the world go to hell? he said & I said it happens about this same time
every couple of years & that seemed to calm him down
Chocolate Scare
You think he’s scary now? she said. Just wait till he finishes off all the chocolate.
Chocolate Voyage
Every afternoon my grandmother would have 2 chocolates with her coffee. I asked her once how many she thought she had eaten in her life. If you laid them all end to end to the moon & back, she said, I’d be sitting right here even as we speak & then we celebrated her return with an extra chocolate.
Choice Baggage
doesn’t mind carrying a few choice pieces of baggage so she has a conversation starter
in almost any social situation
Christmas Dragon
What’s that supposed to be? I said. That’s a Christmas dragon, he said. If Santa rode around with this instead of all those reindeer I think it’d put real teeth in the naughty-or-nice thing.
Class Act
taking himself for a walk hoping he doesn’t poop on someone’s lawn
like all the other dogs in the neighborhood since he’s trying hard to better himself
Checkbook
I’ve got a lot more going on in there than you’d guess if you looked at my checkbook, she said.
Chihuahua
I remember once I went to my great-grandmother’s house. It was a big white house & it always smelled like slightly burned toast & raspberry jam. She had a picture of Jesus on the wall in her living room. She told me his eyes would follow you around when you walked. I told a friend about it a while ago. He nodded & said he used to have a Chihuahua that did the same thing.
Child Proof
We forgot to child proof our life, she said to me & I knew exactly what she meant. It had been a long day.
Chinatown
possessed of an acute sense of smell & a curious nature
so no matter what city she goes to she always ends up in Chinatown
Chiropractor
I used to have eyes in the back of my head, she said, but I kept throwing my back out
& my chiropractor made me stop.
Chocolate Drain
Two can live as cheaply as one if one of us didn’t like chocolate so much.
Caregiver
What happened to you? I said & she said she was nurturing the cat against its will
& that was the end of that conversation.