Humor & Whimsy
Tofu Pup
taunting the neighbor’s dog with meat-flavored tofu because he can’t get anyone else to eat it.
Tight Perm
If you get a tight enough perm, she told me, it’s almost as good as a face lift. But she had worked around a lot of toxic chemicals in the 60’s, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
Time in a Box
This is a box filled with all the time in the world & most people are amazed it fits in such a small space.
Timeout
If you kill your brother, she said, you’re going to get a huge timeout.
Three Blind Mice
I tried for a whole summer to teach our cat to play the piano. We started with an easy song. It was 3 Blind Mice. My dad said it didn’t work because the cat had a tin ear, but I think it was because she kept looking around for the blind mice the whole time & never gave it her full attention.
Temptations
The plane shook so much I thought I was in a bowl of metal jello & I heard him say, If you & Mom die, can I go live with the Temptations?
Tallest Man in the World
I’m the tallest man in the world, he said, so I’ll have to miss dinner & I said too bad about missing the ice cream then & suddenly he found he fit quite well at the table if he let his legs stretch down the hall.
Tell The Truth
It would be easier if I just told the truth, he said, but I wasn’t there for a lot of it
Temp
I don’t mind being a temp, she told me. It reminds me of my priorities.
Swing Dancing
this looks like swing dancing but really it’s just moving around the floor trying not to bump into anybody else
Sympathies
Whenever he sat in the swingset it got tangled up. He said it was demons in the steel that were drawn to the sweat & sorrow of the steelworkers across the generations. Plastic doesn’t have those sorts of problems yet, he said.
Suburbanite
I’m the last person you should ask about weird, he told me, I was raised in the suburbs of America
Stretching Out
I’ve been doing these Chinese stretches that are supposed to make you live longer, he told me.
I just hope I’m not this sore the whole time.
Strict Followers
Trying to follow in the footsteps of the masters, but it’s a lot harder than it looks because even though they had the same size feet as us, they weren’t looking down the whole time while they walked to make sure they were doing it right.
Stuff
Even if I only need this stuff once my whole life, she said, it’s worth it & besides, I paid too much to get rid of it yet.
Stuff Cave
cave filled with stuff that people will kill for, which only goes to show you how confused people are about important things
Stupid Things
If you can’t laugh at yourself, my grandpa told me, you’re not doing enough stupid things. I told him I didn’t usually run out of stupid things, but it’s hard to laugh that long at anything.
Strange Plant
I have a friend who found a strange plant in her garden one day & she watered it for three months & still wasn’t sure it was a vegetable. Her sister was a nurse & said she knew how she felt.
Street Signs
These are all the street signs for this area but he keeps moving them around at night so the only people who aren’t lost all the time are the children who never pay attention to signs anyway.
Stress Management
I can imagine it working out perfectly, I said. I can’t, she said & I said no wonder you’re so stressed.